July 13, 2021
A message to new mummas out there.
These are things that I’m having to regularly remind myself of atm, so I thought I’d share them with you.
We all know as humans we lead different lifestyles, have different genetics, and therefore are DIFFERENT in the ways we think, feel and act. For some reason we then are made to believe that as mothers, there is only one way to do things. Stuff that. Trust your instincts I say… and don’t let anyone else opinion make you question your own. Want to be a working mum? Good on you. Want to be a stay at home mum? Good on you! Want to formula feed even though you’re able to breast feed? Good on you. Want to get out of the house and have alone time regularly? Ah same, good on you if you do it!
The more women you chat to, the more you realise the above… that every mum and baby is different and what works for them may not work for someone else. But if you find a select few who you feel you can go to for advice (or even just a venting session where you all share your poo explosion stories or ask if the other has tried having sex again yet…) being connected to others in similar positions has been incredibly comforting for me. It’s the late night encouraging messages, the guilty mum stories, the laughable mistakes they share with you and the shoulder of support, that really creates an incredible bond and empowering relationship that can get you through the tough times. If, like me, you don’t have too many family or friends that have just had a baby recently – don’t be afraid to reach out to others online. My ‘mothers group’ is made up of friends of friends or people that I had only met once or twice before bonding over instagram DM’s when we were pregnant. The KICBUMP FB community is full of mummas at different stages – feel free to reach out on there and connect with others.
Also, accept your new body. You don’t have to love it, and it’s okay if there’s a part of you that wishes it looked like it did before your pregnancy. It’s all quite normal to feel insecure in your new body – but it’s only because of societies ‘bounce back’ culture that you feel that pressure. You have carried a baby… don’t forget that. Your body went through a lot, so more often than not, it’s not ever going to look like it did before. If you find having a physical goal motivational, and you have always had a positive experience with that then all power to you! If you want to train hard to try and physically change your body because that’s what works for you – go for it. But please don’t let that motivation only come from external pressures. For me personally… I’ve gone through a period in my life where I was unhappy with my body and trained and ate a certain way purely for physical change… and that didn’t work out well for me. I am happiest in my skin when I am looking after myself, both physically and mentally and that means letting go of insecurities and finding other motivators. My body is different now. I’ve lost a lot of muscle, put on some weight in my core and have loose skin around my belly… but it doesn’t bother me, because I carried and birthed a human. This is the new me.
How much are you missing flexibility? I know I am. We may no longer be able to get out of the house in five mins, or randomly go out for drinks, or really do anything outside of the house without hours or even days of planning how and when… but we now have this little being to nurse, soothe and play with all day everyday (and night). I often find myself wanting to fast forward a few years where he’s a little less dependant on me… but fairly quickly I am snapping out of that thought and appreciating the present time. Because no matter how unrecognisable life is right now, I am absolutely living my dream right now being a mum. And everyone, and I mean EVERYONE who has had a kid tells you not to blink… apparently one day we will miss the newborn stage! So soak it all in.
You don’t have to love every part about being a mum, to love being a mum.
All my love,
Steph Claire Smith
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